How to deal with a boss who is a bully
Posted on by Forest in General, Health, Opinion
As much as we all go round trying to pretend we are adults we all really know that some people never leave the childish ways of the playground no matter where they are or how old they get. This can include things like gossiping which is mostly easy to handle, showing off in front of the ladies (or men) which is just obnoxious or the one that can seriously hurt, bullying.
Bullying isn’t something that goes away in adulthood and it happens very often in the work place. The worst situation is when the bully also happens to be a boss.
Your job may be almost perfect but bullying can lead to health related problems, you under performing and a million other things that are not your fault. It’s easy to write this in a post but you really need to fight back (not physically) and don’t allow yourself to lose your job or your sanity.
Tips on how to deal with a boss who is a bully
It’s impossible to cover every scenario and also you may find that you need to adjust things to suit your situation. For example if your boss has the power to fire you you may not want to do anything threatening but there are things you can do and hopefully these tips will be helpful.
Work out why you are being targeted
I remember in my first full time job as a shy 17 year old working at a print company. The old blokes used to joke around and tease me but it was lovable and they did it mostly out of fun and would not have wished anything bad to ever happen to me. To this day I love those guys but one senior manager saw my shyness and how easy it was to laugh at me and he started to get nasty. Just sly comments, comments on the way I looked, my sexuality, my social class and various other things. Generally it didn’t bother me but the nasty tone started to dig deeper. He was and I am sure still is a ill minded man but I was his only direct target (he always used to say bad stuff about other people behind their back).
You need to know why you are being targeted. He saw that I didn’t stick up for myself and he could get away with things. This was a man of 3 divorces and many of his own personal failed businesses. I can’t speculate to be sure but I would guess he was unhappy and felt inadequate so I was a way to make him feel better.
Knowing this and knowing why you are a target gives you power. Luckily this man could unlikely fire me without other board members (who liked me very much) being a part of it so I confronted him. I walked up to him with no one else around and asked who he thought he was. Not in a threatening way. I just wanted him to explain exactly why he thought it was ok to say the stuff he said to me in a professional surrounding. I reminded him of his duty as a company director and that I was an employee more than capable of my job. The shock pushed him into denial and he shrugged it off saying he did not mean anything bad by it and that he was joking like everyone else. Suffice to say he never did it again.
Generally you will be targeted because like me you are weak or the other reason I have encountered is that a boss feels you may be too good and they feel inadequate and sometimes in fear of their own position.
Stand tall and don’t run
You will unlikely ever have to run away from a bully in the office but metaphorically reclining into your shell, showing you are hurting or getting out of the situation could seriously help grow the bullying bosses confidence. You need to swing that around. I guess by now you know why you have been targeted. If it’s because the boss is worried you are better then capitalize on that and don’t bow to weakness. If they target some shortcoming you are worried about then rationalize to yourself that it does not matter. Don’t show it’s bothering you and if anything actually do stand up to them (literally) when such accusations and questions are thrown your way. Loudly and in front of everyone ask exactly what they mean and ask them to officially draw up the matter. Make a big deal of their unfounded and petty bullying and escalate it within official company policy.
If you are just some lowly weak employee this can work too. As long as you do do your job as you are employed to do you can’t officially be attacked here. Send official emails cc’ing higher management if they bring up job issues. Show your teeth as such and slowly they will retract and stop being the bully or they will get so nasty that reprimand from a higher source will be easy.
Gathering evidence and taking it higher
If standing up and knowing the reason isn’t enough then you have to take the bullying higher. Inform your bully that you will be taking the case to upper management or above if they do not stop treating you outside of their official capacity as a boss. Never react with anger or heat and always make a note of each situation. When it happens in front of others ask them for support and gather names times and places. If you can you could even consider carrying a tap recorder in your pocket and recording verbal attacks.
When you feel you have a sufficient case call an urgent meeting with a higher power and the bully in the same place. Professionally present your evidence and explain the emotional drain it is having on your work. Let them know you have asked for it to stop and if others are being bullied say so too. It’s probably not good to name names as they might refuse to say anything.
Consider leaving
It could be seen as letting the bully win if you leave your job over them. However if you have done everything you can to stop it, you have informed top management and nothing has been done then it may be the best option. The company is likely bad to the core and that can’t be changed. You can write about your experiences though online and put complaints to official bodies to get the word out that this place is bad and people are not being treated well.
How have you dealt with a bully boss?
I’m just acting in this post out of opinion and experience and you may well have dealt or seen these situations dealt with more effectively. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
Further professional advice
To get further help and more professional advice check out the Workplace Bullying Institute, they can help more than I ever can and you will see you are not alone.
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15 Responses to “How to deal with a boss who is a bully”
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Mrs. Accountability
24. Oct, 2010
My boss is a bully. Fortunately for me, she has become so dependent on me that she can’t be too much of a bully toward me, and I know she’s dependent on me so I am less apprehensive when I need to confront her on something. However, since I have known her for a decade now, I understand that most of her attitude is because she is actually very insecure. All the bullying is just a big bluff. She is nice to me and we get along just fine, but I don’t like it when she bullies other people. Maybe that boss of yours could see that you were smarter than him already and was trying to keep you down.
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Forest
24. Oct, 2010
That sucks but I am glad you managed to get a good position with her. It must be a killer to see her bullying others
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Yeah my boss was an idiot. I went back and visited a social event of theirs years later and oddly I was the lead designer for their top client by then….. He actually tried to say something sarcastic (that was supposed to be a joke) to me and I pulled out a card I had never pulled before. I said “excuse me, I happen to be a client”. That shut him up quicker than you could ever imagine.
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Get Happy Life
25. Oct, 2010
Too bad some bosses are idiots! After reading this post, I am thankful for having such a nice boss.
I am even considering to buy him “World’s Best Boss” Coffee Cup
Get Happy Life recently posted..Get Happy Life – How I Earned A Lot Of Money
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Forest
25. Oct, 2010
Hey Get Happy Life (what is your name by the way), it’s great you have a good boss, he definitely deserves that cup!
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Get Happy Life
27. Oct, 2010
My name is Dave, nice to meet ya, Forest
Btw, my boss always says:
“You need to give if you want to get”
By this he means that you should first give more to the employee for motivation, and after that (if the employee is at least little loyal) you will get more than you gave in return.
I like this thought of him. Do you agree ?
Get Happy Life recently posted..Get Happy Life How I Earned A Lot Of Money
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Forest
27. Oct, 2010
Well hello Dave. I agree with your boss 100%
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simply stephen
28. Oct, 2010
Nice topic…need to see a lot more on this, seeing as I’ve been reading recently that 70% of people are somewhat or very dissatisfied with their jobs.
Perhaps, just perhaps, bullying plays a role.
I no longer have a boss but when I did I was known to stand up to the bully. I also did it for my co-workers and got “let go” on several occasions. My mantra is to “speak out” so it’s a good thing I’m my own boss now.
Termination can be swift if you stand up to someone. There are more regulations and rules to protect people now. One has to be careful about what the do, so having more info is great thing.
And yep, I too agree with Dave and his boss. It’s amazing how inspiring a little bit of positivity and motivation is.
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Forest
01. Nov, 2010
Thanks Steven. That really sucks that sticking up has gotten you the can! Yeah workplace rules are getting better and people are finding more space to stop bullying bosses and such things!
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Jay Jacobus
15. Nov, 2010
The quality of life depends a lot on your job.
You could have a position where you get great opportunities, positive reinforcement, excellent exposure and challenging work.
Alternatively, you could have a job where there are limited opportunities, faint praise, little contact with other people and monotonous work.
But it could even get worse. You could be humiliated, excluded, bullied and given degrading work.
There are organizations working on this problem. Hopefully they will find some success.
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Forest
21. Nov, 2010
Hey Jay, I absolutely agree I hope they get some success and help people with work troubles.
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Black Hole Sun
23. Nov, 2010
Hi Forest.
Great article!
I’ve been working in this company for nearly a year now.
I feel my General Manager is a bully.
She often picks on me to even the petty stuff.
She will call me & scold me even though I am on my leave!
& even though that “issue” can be sorted out with my staff.
& even though I have cleared my work before going on leave.
I seriously don’t understand her.
I am a legal manager & few years back, she was one before becoming a GM.
One of the MANY things that made me annoyed is, I’m not sure whether she is insecure or she is just evil.
I am handling my department with only 2 staff (previously 3, the legal staff left for a better offer) because I told her I can manage.
During her time, she had 4 staff under her including two (2) legal staff & I know this for a fact.
When I told her to cut me some slack because this is the first time, the company doesn’t have a staff doing legal work; she said, during her days also, she didn’t have any legal staff.
WHY WOULD SHE LIE TO MY FACE???!!!!
Further, I am the only female manager and the rest are males.
I am not expecting her to praise me or appreciate my effort, I just need an acknowledgement.
She always bring me down & give annoying remarks to me on how incompetent I am etc etc when I am sure my work are done.
She NEVER stops picking on me!
I am emotionally tired & I have anxiety thinking of her next step or move (in bringing me down & picking on me).
I feel like moving on to somewhere else.
HELP!
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Forest
24. Nov, 2010
Hey Black Hole Sun, that is a really unfortunate situation. I would seriously try and arrange a formal meeting with her and a superior present if she is that bad. List events and when they happened and explain that it is affecting your quality of work. This could make her worse so maybe you could try and approach her direct first. It would be awful for you to have to leave your job but if you don’t stand up for yourself it won’t improve either. She sounds very tricky and it could be jealousy!
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marley
02. Dec, 2010
Hi Forest, you certainly are a handsome man, that’s quite the photo. Your article is very interesting. I had a bullying boss who bullied in sly ways that were hard to proove (door slamming, interrupting, general rudeness, creating impossible, unnecessary workloads…I finally left but not before qualifying for and using available on the job training to move into a higher position away from this supervisor to a better job within the same department. I can thank this nightmare boss for driving me to do better so I could get out of there. My new supervisor is much better to work with and for. I can’t believe I stayed in the old job for four years but at least I got something out of it. I told myself even though this boss was obviously trying to push me out by making an unbearable situation, I wasn’t going to leave u till I was good and ready, with a plan in place. I am sure if others in the same situation do this, they will never feel like the boss “won”.
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marley
02. Dec, 2010
Hi Forest, maybe you didn’t write the article, it looks like several posts but your feedback is helpful, it’s nice to find a place to easily leave a comment. I thick lots of people need to get their job woes out and read about others in the same boat.
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Forest
02. Dec, 2010
Hi Marley, ha ha ha, handsome is not something that I am normally called!
It’s great that you rose above the bullying and took matters into your own hands to pursue what is important to you in life.
Feel free to comment here any time.
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